Mabel's Rose Garden, 12/2009 - Nikon D40 with 55 mm lens
Here we are at the beginning of a new year and I feel like "putting a few things down on paper", something I used to say before blogs entered the world.
What I Learned In 2009
:: I learned, actually I remembered, that I should always trust myself. Somewhere along the way I stopped trusting my opinion and my judgement. I was looking to others I deemed smarter or more experienced for answers, ideas, opinions. I stopped thinking my opinions and feelings had worth because surely someone else must know more than I do. I'm just a small-town girl from nowhere. What do I know? But, I figured out that every time I listened to my own inner voice, not only was the decision better for me and felt more like my own truth, but situations and problems worked out better. Which leads into my next lesson. . .
:: I have to live my life for myself, according to my own plans and dreams. There is no shortage of people in my life (and I'm sure this is the same for most of you) telling me what to do. Most of them mean well, and I appreciate sound advice as much as the next girl. But this is my journey. I have to do what makes sense for me, and what speaks to my values and ideals, not anyone else's. This was a very hard lesson to learn because I am a good daughter, friend, employee, and I like to make people happy. But when I started sacrificing my own identity, I knew it had to stop.
:: I also learned that if someone is rude, nasty, mean, arrogant, spiteful, argumentative or negative, it really has nothing to do with me. I once thought that I had done something to trigger this behavior, or that it was incumbent upon me to change their attitude. Both are wrong. People behave as they do for a thousand reasons, and while I try to be compassionate for whatever that individual is going through, I don't have to pick it up and carry it. It's their load, not mine.
:: Eight hours of sleep per night is mandatory. Whatever else in the world has to wait, it can wait. Eight hours makes such a difference in my energy, mood, health.
What I Hope For 2010
:: I hope to be a bit lighter. I tend to take things far too seriously and sink into deep, heavy thoughts, often times getting lost. I'd like to laugh more.
:: I would like to finally start a yoga/meditation practice. I think it would make such a difference in my chaotic, racing-90 mph-mind. I crave calm.
:: I hope I can leave everyone I meet with a smile. It seems like such a small thing, but I appreciate when someone does it for me. I'd like to do that for others.
:: I hope that I can give up the food guilt and just eat what I love and love what I eat. Food and I have a complicated relationship going back ages (me and every other woman, it seems). But at almost 34 years old I'm just tired of it all. Eating fresh, good-quality food and paying attention to what I eat seems to be the answer. I want to give that a try.
I am borrowing this quote my friend Tee posted which seems to sum it up for me: "There will always be people who don't, won't get it - what you're doing, what you're saying, what you're believing in. Politely push those throngs to the side and make room for the ones who do. Waste no more time on wishing."